All the same questions … yet again … What is the new lesson?

Although I am not asking the questions I used to ask when circumstances arise that I do not understand, I still struggle in advising, listening to or providing an ear to others who may be having difficulty with changes in their lives, unexpected and possibly tough changes.  Recalling not only what my dad would say when he struggled with the illnesses and deaths of two of his children, what I said to him as we discussed it along with my cancer diagnosis 22 years ago returns to my mind so quickly when things change.  Today I know, with a certainty, that I serve a loving, living God and that these events come into the lives of those whom I hold dear, and it is not a bad thing but an opportunity to have the reassurance of who holds us in the palm of His hand, forever (John 10:29).  Although the next 48 to 72 hours will be my allowed emotional reaction time out, I know that all will be well just as my favorite song states, “It is Well With My Soul” (Swafford) and I will cling to the “…lively hope …” of which I am assured in ! Peter 1:3-5.  I do not deal with change well, who does?  My dad would say that he wanted to know the sin that was being visited on his generations.  Then this past Sunday the lesson brought up those same scriptures again:  Moses and the first generation of Israelites who did not get to enter the promised land because of the sin of returning to the religion of their Egyptian captors when the going got tough being visited upon them (complaining, doubting and disobedience …) Numbers 20:12 KJV, David and the murderous act resulting that cost him the death of his firstborn child (Nathan bore the news of his judgment … 2 Samuel 12:13-14) … all reminders of our human reaction to unsettling events.  It is so easy to fall back into the questions and the emotions that cause us to fail, doubt, give in to worry and fear, and my all time stand by – ANGER.  While I am in the midst of Breast Cancer Awareness month and focused on sharing God’s work in my life in multiple events to include my book signing (The Galilean Religious Books, October 11, 12:00-3:00), I am attempting to help with crises from two directions in my life, and am trying to counsel those who reach out to me on what to do next, I find myself almost stumbling on the Baptist clichés that were crippling to me so many years.  Although I celebrate the victory in my life, I still have strong reactions to the “cancer” threat to others in my life and the possibility of facing the disease that took my brother, diabetes.  Heredity is not always a bad thing, but for me those two diseases bring up so many memories and fears.  In trying to shatter the fear in my loved ones’ lives the words are difficult because it is so near to my heart.  Finding myself struggling to find the words to reassure, strengthen and support others, the carnal me, the scared me, the doubting me attempts to return.  My goal is to spread the good news of God’s great work in my life, but find myself once again wishing “not my loved ones”, and I am aware that is selfish of me and is a step backwards to an infant state of Christianity where I once again want to return to the milk from God’s Word because it hurts to be mature, knowing the meat of the Word and my faith (1 Corinthians 3:1-3, 14-15).  I halted as I started to tell someone “remember to ask what of this journey”, because fear and tears do not allow a person to ask the greater question of what.  As we face struggles, challenges and changes we have to deal with the emotions that come first.  The fear (False, Evidence that, Appears to be, Real) is consuming and we have to face it and deal with it.  Then I realized that tears and fears are also a part of grief, it is part of my training as a mental health professional to know these things, the label of who I am in these circumstances: Sister by another mother, mother, and grandmother challenges every fiber of who I am.  Then I hear from those with whom I am talking that “this just isn’t fair…” and I return to my old feelings of playing by the rules and it still not working out the way I think it should be, that I share in my book “Asking What: No More Whys … Soaring on Eagles’ Wings Defeating Life’s Labels, Anger and Cancer.”  This thought pattern was mine as discussed in the failure of my marriage, the man who tried to kill me (Living someone else’s dream …), conquering those mental tapes of playing by the rules and expectations of society (Be sure you have on clean underwear … Chapter 5) and it plagues me when I allow my faith to waiver.  In today’s world, we can find answers and new approaches to the very diseases and illnesses that were at one time a diagnosis that meant death … at some point … a diagnosis that would shorten one’s natural life span.  When I find myself returning to my professional mode, the best way for me to help others, I go through the steps: 1) Validate their feelings, yes you can feel that way …; 2) Figure out what you are really feeling that leads you to choose to be angry (the emotional coping mechanism with which I continue to deal); 3) Start writing in a journal until you work through your feelings, find your direction and your personal peace (some people do not want to be told pray about it and trust God…); and the most difficult thing to say is 4) You’re a mother/grandmother/family member/brother/sister/spouse and you don’t have the option of being emotional in front of those who look to you for strength.  It is important for each of us to find the scripture that can be what we call on every time we are faced with a new mountain, trial or struggle.  I have my cancer scripture, Isaiah 40:31, Before that became my go to scripture, I also used Ephesians 3:20, and then was led to the woman with the issue of blood for twelve years (Luke 8:43-48) who stepped out in faith to touch the hem of Jesus’ garment, “… your faith has made you whole…”.  Mountains can be conquered by “soaring” over them by the method/instrument or person God brings into your life for that one purpose/season; rough ground can be made smooth (the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea on dry land, Exodus 14:21-22); and our storms will be calmed in spite of our fears (Luke 8:22-25).  No, there are times when life does not appear to be fair, times get tough and we shed tears of fear and confusion – it is our human nature.  But we have the ability to ask professionals the right questions so that we are better equipped to handle what is at hand; we can turn to the world wide web (internet) to glean information needed to take appropriate action and make needed changes in our lifestyle or environment that may be necessary to equip us for the new journey we may be facing and there are those who God has already prepared to help us that have been through the same journey we may find ourselves on and are waiting for God to direct them to us.  No, it doesn’t necessarily go away, but we can be equipped to handle what comes as we learn the lessons needed to launch into our battle mode that will strengthen us and make us available to someone else once our journey of growing our faith is completed in this area of our lives.

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